Mission Inspire Sabrina

So, I was asked by my dear sister in law to write in my blog so as to motivate and inspire her to update get lovely blog as well. Therefore, I log on, go to my last blog update and realize that mine needed some updating as well. Apparently having her ask motivated and inspired me so thanks for that, Sabrina! I should also add that I am writing this update on my kindle and doing so quickly, so auto correct may do some unwanted "correcting." I apologize ahead of time for that! 

Because I'm on my kindle and still not completely apt to all its abilities, I will not be putting pictures up tonight. Maybe when I can get on my desktop and edit this post, I will. However, for now, we will be talking about my dear family without pictures.

First up tonight is my dear sweet and sexy spouse, Luke. He is doing great. Working as hard as always, and being a pretty amazing dad as well. He is trying hard to get some big home improvement projects done, but is having a heck of a time trying to find the time to do it all. I told him we plan on being in this house for a long time, so we shouldn't stress to much if it isn't perfect right away. Anyhow, we are best friends and have a great time being together in this crazy fun life we have.

Next, we will chat about me! I am doing ok. Enjoying my boys more every day, but boy am I exhausted! Between the boys getting sick, (REALLY sick one time), running this house, paying bills, worrying about the state of the union, (yes, I work about these things; being politically minded is part of who we Stuevens' gals are), and then finally being forced to actually worry about myself, I have developed a new fantasy: one 24 hour period in a quiet, dark hotel room with some popcorn, a Mt. Dew and total utter silence and sleep. It won't happen, and who am I kidding? I can't go on a two hour date without aching to be home with my sons. After all, who can take better care of their kids than their own mother? But, I digress. Onto my favorite topic: my boys!

Finn. I swear, he turned three and the terrible twos disappeared. He was a little hellion at times this last year and loved to challenge me. But, besides some grumpy moments from both of us, he has been amazing. Listening, helping, and boy is he affectionate! I get at least a hundred hugs, kisses and "I love yous"every day. His speech had taken off and I seriously couldn't ask for a better big brother for my younger kids.

Now to my big red. Dietrich. My wild, hyper, big personality. In the last, hmmm, six months, his personality has exploded. He is hilarious, loud, goofy, and so full of expressions and emotions. He is also an over achiever. He talks a ton already and loves to listen to conversations and try to participate. He calls me mom, Luke dad, Finn is "Feen" and he lives to say no, nigh nigh, lub you, and baby.He says other things, but those are the most common.He is so much fun and certainly keeps me on my toes!

Well,I think that is all for now. I am in desperate need of sleep and my boys have been not seeing so great they last week so I should take advantage of that. Goodnight all!

30 things I want my boys, (and future boys/girls), to know about me!

So, I was browsing through Pinterest after the boys went to sleep and I found this great, not so little questionnaire of essential things you want your children to know about you. I figured, since the boys are asleep, Luke is otherwise occupied and I actually have a few minutes, that I would answer them here and leave it for my progeny. Little did I know, but it actually took four nights for me to finish. I might ask Luke to answer them as well and put his responses here since it is just as important for them to know their father as it is to know their mother. I also tried to write this as though the boys were reading so I say "you" when referring to them. I hope that isn't too confusing! There may be punctuation or grammatical errors and I apologize in advance. I tried to be as honest as possible, so some answers are mildly personal. Nothing that no one can't handle, though. ;)

NOTE: I am a little behind on posts, (Dietrichs' 1st birthday, our family vacations, etc.) but they are coming on another night when I have more motivation. Stay tuned! :)

       30 things I want Finn, Dietrich and my future babies to know about their Mother              

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
 a. I have always been scared of the dark.
b. I love to eat and have always had a love/hate relationship with food.
c. I bite my tongue more times than I would like to admit and sometimes wish I could just say what was on my mind.
d. I would have 100 kids if I didn't need sleep to function.
e. I love you more than I love anyone and anything, including myself.
f. I love your father more than I can describe. I am one of those saps that believe in soul mates and I know without a doubt that your father is mine.
g. I have wanted to be a mother more than any career since I turned 20. Don't ask why that age; I just turned 20 and wanted to be someone's mother all of a sudden.
h. I used to want to be an actress. I even got accepted into a modeling agency at 16, but my mom decided not to let me. I am so glad she made that decision.
i. I am truly happy.
j. I used to hate being 6'3''. Now, I can't imagine being smaller.
k. I really want to go back to school, but am scared I will fail miserably.
l. My favorite thing to do used to be going out with friends and staying out late. My new favorite thing is being asleep by 10.
m. Your dad has a bad mouth. I don't and I am proud of that. ;)
n. I waited until I was married to be intimate with your father. I can only hope you respect the women you love enough to do the same.
o. I have only felt true fear a couple times in my life, (so far.)
p. I cry a lot, and not just when I am sad.
q. I believe that hugs and kisses can cure just about anything.
r. I have never tasted alcohol.
s. I lack self confidence, but will always try to make sure you don't. :)

 2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears 
a. The Dark. I am terrified of pure darkness and can only say that I believe my vivid, sometimes weird imagination is the reason.
b. Tight Spaces. I am a classic claustrophobic. My theory is because I am tall and full figured so getting stuck in a space is pretty easy for me. That, and I HATE not being in control.
c. Losing my sons or my husband. In the last five years, I have seen friends lose children and family lose spouses. Needless to say, my life would cease without you and your dad. I worry about it every day.

 3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
I have already said above and in many previous posts, that I love your dad more than life. We have been married just over 4 years and he is amazing. He works far too much and is gone a lot of the time, but that is because he wants you to have anything and everything you could want or need. Your dad and I get along 99.9% of the time and when we do get irritated with each other, you don't see it. And, you don't need to. You need to know that your mother and father love each other very much and want you to have the same kind of fun, happy and healthy relationship that we have.

 4. List 8 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
a. The "popular" people in high school are NOT people you should aspire to be.
b. Being kind and loving to your fellow man will get you far in life...plus, it feels good.
c. Open your mind and do as many things as you can, but remember to have fun too!
d. Push yourself.
e. The right thing is usually the hardest thing.
f. Love your body just the way God made it.
g. Don't be ashamed of your own personal style.
h. Be outspoken and don't be afraid to voice your opinion to anyone, including teachers. Just do so respectfully. 

 5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
a. My husband, Luke.
b. My sons, Finn and Dietrich.
c. My bed.
d. My house.
e. The Gospel.

6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
a. My ideal weight and body shape.
b. My family sealed for time and all eternity, (almost there though!)
c. My house paid for. ;)

7. What is your dream job, and why?
Besides being a mother, I have always wanted to teach. My dream job would be a high school English teacher, all while going to school to get my Ph.D and eventually be a professor for a local college, (the school is not as important as the subject I would be teaching.) I would also love to be an Author and write about things that are always bouncing around in my head.

8. What are 5 passions you have?
a. I am passionate about my children and my job as a mother.
b. I am passionate about Luke and our relationship.
c. I am passionate about love and romance.
d. I am passionate about God, Christ and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints.
e. I am passionate about music, books, and the English language.

9. List 6 people who have influenced you and describe how.
a. My parents. They showed me neverending love, encouragement and gave me the strength to be me. They taught me to lead a Christ centered life and have always been there for me.
b. My sisters. They have been my longest running support group, my best friends, and my biggest challenges. I love them more every day.
c. A couple roommates from college. Some have been my friends and support staff. Others were my trials and broke me down until I had to build myself back up into an almost entirely new person. A better person, I think. So, I thank them too!
d. Luke. He "got" me when I was still gaining my confidence back and he has never stopped continuing to build it back up. He also taught me things no one but a "tough" man like him could.
e. Finn. You made me a mother. Not just that, but a mother to a boy who is strong, tough, resilient, analytical and fierce. You are starting to look more and more like a Stuevens every day and I hope you maintain the proud, strong and kind persona you have now.
f. Dietrich. You made me tough. You're so young now, but you already have more personality than some adults show.  You are passionate, loud, animated and happy 99.9% of the time. You are truly your fathers' son.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
Honestly, I think I blocked out my most embarrassing moments because I am having a hard time recalling one. I think my most embarrassing moment would be about 8 months ago. I was sitting in church, waiting for Relief Society to start and a woman, who had no ill intentions, sat next to me and asked if I had always been fat. I didn't know whether to cry, scream or stand up and walk away. Instead, I just told her that I used to be quite thin and then my two monster children obliterated my body and I was working on getting it back. :)

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
a. Chewing with your mouth open.
b. Adult feet touching me, (this includes your dad.)
c. Floaties in my drink.
d. People who judge someone before they know them.
e. People who express their opinions and things they think they know in a rude or holier-than-thou manner.
f. Tactless people.
g. People who don't help the less fortunate.
h. Complainers, (and I mean constant complaining, not just here or there.)
I. Dropping things over and over again and not being able to get a grip on it, (I swear, this happens to me every day.)
j. Bugs crawling on me. :)

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
In my current life, I am 27, Luke and I have been married 4 years and I have two sons: Finn who is three and Dietrich, who is one. This is my typical schedule for my current life as a SAHM.

7:00am- Boys wake me up and we change diapers/pull ups and get dressed, (dad is already at work.)
7:30am-I make breakfast for the boys and myself.
8:00am to 11:30am- Play time for the boys while I do chores, run errands with the boys, write bills, answer emails/phone calls and break up fights.
11:30am- I start making lunch.
Noon- Lunch for the boys and myself
12:30pm to 2:00pm- Dietrich goes down for a nap and Finn and I play/watch a movie.
2:00pm to 5:00pm- Play time, inside, while I continue to clean or outside, while I watch.
5:00pm to 5:45 or 6:00pm- I make dinner while the boys play and run around.
6:00pm to 6:45pm- Bath time/PJs, then a little quiet play time.
6:45-7:00pm-Sippys to drink, then brush teeth, get our favorite toys and blankets and head to bed.
7:00pm- Bedtime for boys!
7:00pm to10:00pm- My time to shower, write on my blog, read news, spend time with Luke, watch my programs, and generally relax and have some downtime.
10:00pm to7:00am- Sleep as much as possible, while waking and checking on you two at least 10 times. :)

 13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
Bills. No, seriously. I hate money. I am in charge of our finances since Luke hates it even more than I do and gets more visibly stressed about it. Though Luke works A LOT and has a position where he makes enough to sustain us, pay our bills and even leave some left in the bank, money still always makes me anxious. I now understand what my parents had to go through, making sure we four girls had everything we needed, paid bills, paid for school activities and even bought us cars, (granted, they were old and not BMWs, but we still had cars!) Though I do love being a SAHM, I am sometimes wondering if there is something I can do to add more money to our bank accounts. I miss the time when I was young and there were no real responsibilities besides staying clean, making friends and doing my homework. I can only hope I teach you guys about fiscal responsibility.

14. Describe 5 and weaknesses and 5 strengths you have.
WEAKNESSES
1. I am a doormat sometimes, (far too passive!)
2. I don't like conflict so I avoid at all costs, sometimes even going into my own little "dream world."
3. I don't have the proper amount of motivation to take care of myself. By the end of the day, I am exhausted and now my body and mind are starting to suffer.
4. I can be a little overly defensive of myself, Luke and my children. I can complain about them, (including myself), but get pretty darn irritated when someone else points out those same flaws.
5.  I am overly emotional and a tad dramatic at times.
STRENGTHS
1. I am not a complainer, (I try so hard not to be!), and will do whatever it takes to stay tough.
2. I am 100% devoted to Luke and my children.
3. I am intelligent and educate myself about different subjects that interest me.
4. I am loving, caring and always look for the best in people.
5. I will never hurt, cheat or be dishonest to anyone, especially my friends and family.

15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
I met your dad when we were 12. I had met your Aunt Rachel, (Luke's twin), at Girls Camp the summer of 1997? and we were best friends an hour later. I saw Luke when I went with my mom to meet up with Rachels' mom and pick Rach up for a visit, (she lived in Lakeview, OR and I lived in Klamath Falls, OR.) Even though I was already 5'11'' at the time and Luke was about 5', he was/is charismatic, had/has a killer smile and super adorable freckles. I became friends with him over the years and always harbored a pretty intense crush. He had the same girlfriend from age 15-19, and even she could sense that I was a threat, (little did she know!) We lost contact but saw each other again when he was newly single, and I was home for the summer from USU. We were 19. I thought he was still taken so I was friendly, but not flirtatious. Luke was also 5'11'' now and I was 6'3''.The tables had turned this time, and suddenly Luke found himself surprisingly, (to me and him), attracted and very interested. In fact, he told a fellow employee that he had found his wife. Through an odd occurrence when we were 21, (his older brother, Paul, was visiting an old mission companion in UT, who happened to be my roommate's brother and my good friend. We hung out while he was there and when Paul told Luke he saw me, Luke was able to acquire my number and the "courting" began.) Luke pursued me heavily for a long time until I finally agreed to date him. We were 23. I knew he was the one before we even started dating; honestly, I had known it all along. I always had a "feeling" around him that I didn't have with any other crush and I think I said "no" to him so many times because I knew when I said "yes" that I was saying it to my future husband. Of course, I didn't tell him that, for fear he would run the other way. Of course, he later told me the "I found my wife!" story and we laughed that we both had known we were meant to be before we were even together. When he proposed, I prayed about it and got a pretty loud, resounding "yes!" so I knew I was making the right decision. I have yet to regret that decision. :)

 16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
1. As of right now, my two sons.
2. Buying a house by the time I was 25.
3. Getting sealed to my family in the temple, (happening this year!)
4. Staying clean, chaste and pure my entire life.
5. Being independent from my family, (if you know my family and how close we are, that is quite an accomplishment. Not to say that I am still not close to them because I am!)

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Working out and having the motivation and willpower to eat cleaner.

18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
I can tell you what he'd say, because he has said it before. He said he loves how kind and loving I am to everyone I meet. He said I balance his passionate, intense personality with my calm demeanor and I relax him. He also said I always see the positive side of things and it makes him feel happier and more optimistic being around me. :)

19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
Any parent can tell you, that there really are no words to describe that feeling. I feel like I became a mother the second I saw that positive pregnancy test. When I first heard Finns' heartbeat, my own heart soared. And when Finn was first placed on my chest and I saw his face, I felt that known feeling of love, expanded a billion times. I felt like I had accomplished something no other woman had; of course, zillions of women before and after me had done the same thing. But none of them had given birth to my 8lb 14oz Finnegan Leo Mitchell. He was pieces of the love of my life and me, and there is nothing more complete than that. I was even worried when I was pregnant with Dietrich; how could I love another baby as much as I love Finn? Of course, I didn't know that my heart could grow even more and when Dietrich was handed to Luke and I saw his face, (C Section), I thought I would burst. That is the best way I can describe it!

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
1. I remember cleaning my room while KK was cleaning hers. Suddenly, she started singing our National Anthem and I joined in. I then marched out, grabbed our American flag and began parading around the living room singing as loud as I could, KK behind me following suit. After we were done, we saluted the flag, I returned it to it's spot and we went back to cleaning our rooms. Never said a word to each other. That memory is a huge indication of my little sister and my relationship. Random, hilarious, fun and we never have to say a word to know what the other is thinking.

2. I remember fighting one of our many fights with my older sister, Rebecca. I was so furious that I went to my bedroom and threw the first thing I could find. It happened to be my scriptures. It fell open and I saw a marked verse that essentially said, "If you need comfort, pray." I went to my bathroom and prayed and sobbed for a good 20 minutes. I swear to this day, that I felt someone hugging me and I knew it was my Savior. Even now, it makes me cry knowing that He knew I needed Him and He was there.

3.One of my favorite memories is when my whole family, mom and dad included, would have water fights inside the house with cups, bowls and the spray nozzle from the kitchen sink. I loved being so free and messy with my family and knowing that it was okay to make a mess and let loose, (so long as we helped clean up afterwards.) Honestly, I have a hard time coming up with a bad memory. I was fortunate to grow up in a loving and comforting home.

21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
My parents are two of my heroes and my best friends. My dad is an older, male version of me. He has my humor, my ticks and my personality, flaws and all. He is quiet, loving and super smart and witty, (those are qualities he has that I don't, lol.) My mom is hard headed, strong, willful and super intelligent. She is an extremely hard worker, a major realist and an incredible grandma and mother.

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
In 5 years, I will be almost 33. I see myself finishing school and hopefully teaching. I will hopefully have one more child. Finn, you will be almost 8. Getting ready to be baptized! Dietrich, you will be 6 and probably as wild are you are now! Luke will hopefully be a dept manager at work and will hopefully be happy!
In 10 years, I will hopefully be teaching and we hopefully will have a second house, (a goal of ours.) Finn, you will be almost 13 and a teenager. That terrifies me just thinking about it. Dietrich, you will be 11 and getting ready to be the top class in your elementary school. My third child will be school age by then as well, (if all goes the way we planned), and I will be returning to work. Luke will probably still be at his company and hopefully climbing his way up the ladder, (since that is his goal!)
In 15 years, I will still be teaching and hopefully will have acquired my Ph.D by then. Just call me Dr. Mitchell! Finn, you will be almost 18 and getting ready to graduate. Then, a mission or the military for you! ;) Dietrich, you will be 15 and still my favorite redhead! My youngest will maybe be 12, and Luke will be working his tail off, as he always does.

23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
Christmas!!! There are a few reasons: 1. I love the decorations and general feelings of love and peace throughout the world. 2. It's when we celebrate the Savior's birth and it's hard not to feel the Spirit during the holiday. 3. I love all the family traditions. 4. It's three days before my birthday! :)

24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
My favorite things are watching you guys grow, develop, learn and explore the world around you. I love hearing "I love you, mom" and seeing your smiles. I love your individual personalities and since you're the reason I feel complete, I love you for that too!
My least favorite things are constantly doubting that I am doing things right. I am in almost a constant state of panic, worrying about your health, your developments and your happiness. I get frustrated when you won't listen and heed my words. And, as of right now in this stage of your lives, I don't really like feeling tired 24/7. :)

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
I would have dinner with William Shakespeare and we would have big juicy steaks, baked potato and cooked asparagus, (because I bet he will have never tasted those things! They will blow his mind!)

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
I think the notion that having multiple sexual partners and not treating intimacy like the special thing that is, is what the world has most wrong. So many children don't have a stable home, don't have both parents or are even murdered in the womb because of this notion that sex can be an act with no consequences. Plus, and this may be immature, but whenever I have seen a few minutes of Sex and the City, (which glorifies sex with no consequences to no end!), I look at those men and women and think, "Herpe-syphi-gono-AIDS!"

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
I love my lips. They are full, bright red and super soft. I think they accent my face very well! :)

28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
His determination, strong will and fierce loyalty.

29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
I want them to be happy, successful and good. I want them to find spouses they can love passionately and take them to the temple. I want them to have big, happy families and learn from their failures and celebrate their triumphs! :)

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
1. I was a good mother who gave 100% of herself to her family.
2. I was kind and loving and never complained.
3. I was smart and valued education.
4. I was a good Samaritan who helped my fellow man.
5. I was patient.
6. I was a successful woman who always tried to do her best.
7. I was a faithful member of the Church.
8. I was proud of my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
9. I was someone you could always count on.
10. I never let anyone I loved go one day without them knowing just how much I did love them.

Videos!

Hello all! I am posting a bunch of videos I have taken over the last week or so here, so that there is a clear, concise place to enjoy them! So...enjoy! :)

Quick Updates, Part Deux

That last post was NOT supposed to publish, but I apparently clicked "Publish" rather than just "Save." Anyhow, let me finish my last post, (apparently I am not computer savvy enough to know how to just edit my last post with the rest of the updates.)

LUKE: The above picture is of Luke and Finn when Luke was a new dad and Finn was a new baby! Luke is still working hard and taking care of the financial part of the Mitchell household, (CA Branch.) He is still an amazing man, an incredible father and a great lookin' husband! He is a little stressed with some unsavory politics at work and the state of the Union as a whole, (he is heavily involved with what is happening in DC and it sometimes incurs wrath on his part.) There is not much else to say about what is going on with him.

LIZ: The above picture is my sister, KK and I during Thanksgiving 2010. Finn was just under a month old so I am new mommy in this picture! Anyhow, I am having fun being home with my two wild boys and taking care of the house. We had a rather scary experience with them last week, (see future post for the full story), but we came out on top and all is well again, Thank the Lord. I have hit an annoying plateau with this weight loss thing. I am still only 16 lbs down and have been for almost a month now. I need to get back in the gym and cut out my precious Mt. Dew as well. It managed to sneak its' way back in, unfortunately. Other than that, I am attempting to catch up on precious sleep, (which I know doesn't help with my weight loss goals), and be a patient mother to a preschooler and a toddler. We are saving and preparing to go to Disneyland next summer, continuing my family's tradition of attending Disneyland when a family member graduates from High School, (in this case, it will be my niece, Brooke. I am still in denial that she is a Senior with a license and a boyfriend.) One of my goals is to be only 20lbs from my goal weight when we go, (so I have an excuse to buy a new wardrobe.) My next goal is to be at my ideal weight before we discuss having another baby. I would be excited to get pregnant when Dietrich is 15 months old, (that's how old Finn was when I got pregnant with D2) and have our third and probably final be the same age gap. However, my body is not healthy at this weight and I don't want to have increased risks of Gestational Diabetes or anything that could hurt the baby. Therefore, we will have to wait until I am at my peak health. Plus, Luke is still going back and forth as to whether he even wants a third and I need him to be 100% sure before we go for three.

I think that is all for now. Keep checking back for more updates that I want to log in here. However, the boys have been asleep for three hours so, by my calculations, I have 2 more hours until Dietrich wakes his one of two times and between 6-8 hours until the boys are up and wreaking havoc! Good night, all! :)

Quick Updates

I will be blogging again tonight after the boys are asleep, I have had a chance to finally shower and my house is shut down for the night. But, since the boys are distracted by Madagascar and my house is clean, I thought I would do my quick updates on the boys, Luke and myself. So, here we go!

Mr. Dietrich, aka Red Rick, aka The Boulder. He is a fearless, wild child with no qualms about wrestling his big brother to the ground and cackling while doing it. He is such the opposite of Finn: he is crazy, happy, loud, animated and curious about everything. He is a fast runner with endless amounts of energy and he just doesn't quit until he crashes, (usually on the floor or in my arms.) He is snuggly and loves kisses and hugs. He loves it when daddy holds him upside down or throws him into the air. He will eat anything and everything, (which is a huge blessing!) He is down to one nap, (something we implemented today, since he has been wanting to stay up later and later with two naps), and loves playing with anything that his big brother is playing with. He also loves to throw everything and actually has quite a good arm for a one year old! At his one year well check, he was 24lbs and 32inches!

My three year old, Captain Finnegan. Well, almost three. He is finally talking to Luke and I! We have been praying, fasting and working with Finn to get him to open up and it is finally happening. Granted, he is still the "silent" type, but every day, he will tell me more and more and express himself. I was worried, but now I see that this is who Finn is becoming. He is cautious, analytical and reminds me of a Mathematician or Engineer. In fact, my dad calls him "The Engineer." He is an incredible builder, loves counting, saying the Alphabet and coloring. He loves his trucks and dinosaurs and quite often falls asleep holding one of his many Semis or T-Rexs', (I quietly remove them after he is asleep, so he doesn't get an uncomfortable surprise when he rolls in his sleep.) He has a temper and definitely has his fathers' passion and drive. He is tall, super thin and would be content to eat French fries and drink milk. Slowly, however, he is opening up to new tastes and has discovered a love of salads of all kinds. He is 37lbs and estimated at 41inches!

I have no new pictures of Luke or myself, so for our updates, we just have a little bold letters for easy reading.

LUKE: My handsome husband of four years, (September 5th!).

Updates!

While the boys are playing, (somewhat roughly so I will be taking frequent blogging pauses to break up the wrestling matches), I thought I would do updates on the dudes and myself! So, here we go! (Oh, break up match #1!)

First, our youngest Mitchell boy, Mr. Dietrich. He is amazing. Our prediction was right when we said he would walk at 10 months; he was walking unassisted and all over the place almost the day he became a 10 month old. He now runs, which is exciting because he is growing, but terrifying now that I have two that can run away from me in two different directions. He loves to spit, clap, laugh, nod, shake his head "no", says "yes", "no", "mama", "dad", "good job" and "nigh nigh." His hair is this incredible deep red color and it just gets richer by the day. He is finally on a set naptime and bedtime schedule, (it took forever with his big brother around, trying to keep him up constantly!) and is a huge eater. He will literally devour everything he sees. He is off formula and just drinks milk now, (we started at 10 1/2 months, just mixing a little with his formula to make sure his tummy could handle straight Vitamin D milk, which it can! Woot!) He hasn't been weighed or measured since his 9 month check up, (and still hasn't been sick, except a small cold!), but we know he went through another growth spurt very recently. I had to get the clothes for the next size up and he was waking to eat every two hours for a few days. Glad that spurt is done! He has eight teeth and is such a laidback, tough little boy, (he has to be tough with Finn as his wild big brother!)

Next is my big, almost three year old, Finnegan Leo. Don't you love this picture? I myself find it hilarious! Anyhow, my firstborn is wild, passionate, curious, determined, fun, beautiful, sweet, and so many other things. He is such a rock star. He loves music, trucks, cars, LeapFrog, playing with Dietrich, wrestling Dietrich, attacking Dietrich, etc. He is a huge help when we going shopping, (99%of the time, anyhow), and loves to give hugs and kisses. Luke is still his Superhero, (I swear, Luke can do NO wrong in that boys' eyes!) and gets so excited when Luke comes home. They are best buddies and Luke and I both hope it stays that way. He talks a lot, but with one stipulation: it's on HIS time and when HE wants to. If you ask him to say something, he won't until you aren't paying attention anymore. After he and I say our bedtime prayers, I will ask him to say "Amen" and he will just smile. Of course, as I am leaving the room, I can hear him whisper, "Amen, mom." It's hilarious, and I know he will get to the point where he will be talking our ear off and we will have to tell him to knock it off! ;)

This is honestly the most recent and the best picture I have of my dear husband, since he is always at work and we rarely see him in the summer. This is the 4th of July, when we took the boys to Whiskeytown Lake. We all had a blast and were so excited to get to spend a fun day with daddy. Luke, aka Dad, aka Babe, is doing great. He is kicking butt at work and has made himself a major asset to his company. He works extremely hard and long hours and his customers love him. He loves being the boys' dad and is so excited for the new camper trailer we were able to save for. We have taken it camping once with my parents and we didn't want to leave. It was so much fun and so much more comfortable than camping with two little boys in a tent. Plus, we had a crazy and long thunderstorm one of the days we were there so we were glad for a warm, dry place to play while we waited it out. Luke really is an incredible person; I am often in awe of his drive and intelligence. He not only is a devilishly handsome man, but he has a huge heart and loves his family, as well as his Heavenly Father and for that, I am so grateful!




I don't take recent pictures of myself, so you are going to have to deal with this little gem. Kristina and I went to Medford to shop for Bachelorette Party accessories and this is my face after seeing some of what they had, (this was for my Bachelorette Party, so this is an oldie!) Anyhow, I am 15lbs down and anxious to be completely rid of this disgusting chub-a-lub. I have a long way to go, but I know I will get there if I keep my determination going. The boys, Luke and the house keep me fairly busy, and I have been trying to accomplish my many projects during my free time, (read: when the boys go to bed.) I am exhausted most days, but 99% of the time, I don't really notice or mind. I am so excited to have found an amazing teenage gal to watch the boys the few times I need a sitter. She has been a lifesaver and has taken a lot of stress of my mind. She loves the boys and the boys absolutely adore her.

Anyhow, I think that is all for now. More to come, since Dietrichs' 1st birthday is in a month and Finns' 3rd is just the month after that! Can't wait! :)

Update for the month of June!

It's been awhile since I have posted, and I wanted to keep up with the growth of the boys, Luke and myself. So, here goes!

We are starting with the youngest today. Our ginger is doing amazing and is a major light in our lives. He just had his 9 month well check, (well a couple weeks ago), and he is 30 inches long and 22 pounds. I looked back at the information I had kept on his big brother and he is the same height and one pound heavier than his older brother was at this age. They are going to be big boys! He is standing, cruising and now tentatively walking. He can take up to 4 steps at a time. We are predicting a full on walker by 10 months, and we are excited! He eats EVERYTHING we give him, and has a huge appetite, (so different from his big brother.) He talks a ton, says "nigh nigh" to Finn when we put Finn to bed and says "mama" and "dada" to the right people. He is officially sleeping in his crib full time, (before, it was only until about midnight and then I put him in bed with Luke and myself.) He waves at everyone he sees, and loves to play peek-a-boo. He has 6 teeth now; they seem to all be coming at once. Luckily, besides his two bottom teeth, he seems to be taking it all in stride. He is a light to all of us and is such a happy, content little man.

My big blonde Finn is a very happy two and a half year old. He loves his trucks, LeapFrog alphabet and number cartoons and wrestling with his dad. He runs to the door, unlocks it and throws the door open whenever Luke comes home and then doesn't leave his side until bedtime. He is the easiest kid in the world to put to bed; when we say "nigh nigh", he grabs his blanket, walks into the bathroom and we brush his teeth. Then, he hops into bed, says prayer, snuggles his Clifford or his Elephant and goes to sleep. Considering how much we fought with him from birth to the time he got his own room, it is such a relief to have such a good sleeper now. He is 36lbs, 40in and has long, curly, shaggy hair, (for the moment.) He is slowly but surely starting to communicate with Luke and I, and is a huge help to both us and Dietrich. He is an amazing big brother, and the best first born a gal could ask for.

Luke, (the one on the far left), is working 75 hour weeks and is exhausted most days. The weather has been 115 degrees most days, (the lowest was about 105), and he is working in attics that get to about 172 degrees. His back and shoulder are feeling much better though. He is looking forward to our yearly camping trip with my side of the family the end of July and getting the backyard completely finished and ready for two very active little boys. He is a very attentive father and an amazing husband. I thank God daily for giving me the honor to be married to such a hard working, loving man! :)

Then, there's the estrogen of the family. (That's an old picture of the family, when it was just Luke, Finn and myself. This is right after we bought our house.) I am 12 lbs down and frustrated that I can't see it yet. Other than that, I am great! I am taking care of the house, boys, bills, cars, Luke and I enjoy every second of it. It's weird to me that I actually do enjoy being a stay at home mom; when I was 20, the last thing I wanted was a husband, kids, house, etc. Now, I would die without each of them. I love that Luke and the boys rely on me; it has always been something that makes me feel good inside and out. When people need me, rely on me and I can help them, I feel on top of the world. I get to feel that every day. Of course, I have days where I want to just sleep for 24 hours and veg, but I know these moments will be gone before I know it and I am trying to cherish them.

In present news, we sold our old Ford Explorer, (yay!), and are on now on the lookout for a camper trailer. We had our bank account hacked and money was spent, but because I check our bank account every day, ( I am psychotic when it comes to our money), I was able to catch it and all is being refunded and repaired. The jerk who stole my information won't be getting anything else from us and won't be getting his online purchases either. We are weathering this heat wave, (with uncommon and crazy humidity), and are loving just being together. We are a happy little family! :)

To the moon and back!

Hello to everyone who reads this, (hey Rach and Sabrina.) ;) Just doing another quick update on the dudes and the lone dudette in this house, (that's me.) Well, let's start with the mister and slowly move our way down to the youngest, shall we?

Luke is in pain. A lot of pain. He is also exhausted because said pain won't abate long enough for him to get any restful sleep. He has been working at least 65 hours the last three weeks, and after nagging him to go to the doctor to see what is up with him, he finally went last week. His shoulder muscles, pectoral muscles, one side of his back and his arm, (all on the right side), are all out of place, knotted up and in a permanent tense position. He has been given mild medication, put on a lighter load at work, (which hasn't happened and probably won't in his line of work), and will be starting physical therapy in the next couple weeks. Other than that, he is doing great! He is a great daddy, a superb hubbs and still wickedly handsome, lol.

                

                                                           Luke with his two brothers                                


Next is the lone woman. I am doing great actually! I haven't burned myself in a month, (seriously I severely burnt myself three times in two months) and I have lost 6 lbs. Not much, but made me happy nonetheless! I try to get to the gym at least three to four days a week for at least an hour; Finn and Dietrich love the gym daycare and I can see them from where I work out so it relieves any anxiety I have about leaving them. I found a website that has you input all your info, (weight, height, age, gender, activity level, etc.) and gives you a healthy and reasonable timeline for you to reach your goal weight. According to it, to lose all the weight I want to in a healthy and responsible way, I will be at my goal weight by August 2014, (that tells you just how much weight I need to lose, huh?) I am 5 lbs lighter though, so even though it is small, I am encouraged that I am on my way. I can't wait to feel comfortable in my own body again.

                                                                   "How you doin'?"

Finn is awesome. And passionate. And fiery. Lol. What else? He can count to 10, and talks more and more every day. He has a temper and is showing a bit of a jealous streak with Dietrich. We are working on him sharing more with Dietrich and how to properly express himself, rather than screaming and whining until he gets what he wants, (which never happens so it is still funny to me that he thinks it will work, lol.) He is definitely a two year old. And, now I am going to brag for a bit. I honestly look at Finn, and am still amazed at how beautiful he really is. That kid has a perfect face, eyes, nose and smile. I am frightened for his teenage years, if he continues on this road to being so gorgeous. Well, I am his mother so maybe it's just my bias talking.

                                                          Look at cutie patootie...
Now, to the baby. Dietrich Miles. My little tomato. He is crawling, cruising the furniture and talking up a storm. I am amazed at how fast he is doing things, but I know it's because he is trying to catch up to his big brother so he can play too! He loves to rough house with Finn, and I let him, well supervised of course. He loves to snuggle, too. Good Lord, does he! At night, he burrows into my chest, gripping my shirt and that is how he falls asleep. I don't mind in the least. He is only this age once and soon he won't have time to sit with me and let me hold him. I love my little bug, and his sweet, laidback nature. What an awesome bubbs he has been! :)

                                                                 D2!

Quick update on the boys

I am just trying to keep track of the all the milestones, and all the important and not so important happenings with the boys and Luke!

Finn loves the outdoors and is an incredible builder. We were becoming a little concerned with his speaking abilities, until we talked to a Speech Therapist and did some research of our own online. They gave us a checklist of things a boy his age should be doing and saying, and he met every single one. He babbles, makes motions and changes his tone when speaking, (even though we aren't sure what he is trying to tell us!), he can say at least 100 words, put 2 words together, and looks directly at the person he is trying to "talk" to. He isn't saying clear, full sentences but the Specialist said to be patient with boys because they tend to talk later than girls. We were relieved to hear all of that, and we are both working with him daily to expand his vocabulary and communicate with us better! His Polands' Syndrome doesn't cause any issues, and we are preparing WAY ahead of time on how to address it when he has questions about why his chest looks different than his brothers', dad or his future friends. He is an analytical thinker who has a lot of passion and loves to rough house with his dad and brother. He is ALL boy, and is an extremely picky eater, which we are slowly working on as well. He is about 37lbs, absolutely solid, and at last measurement was almost 40 inches tall. :)

Dietrich is a master crawler, and can go from one place to another in speedy time. He loves when Finn pays attention to him and he is a major snuggler. He doesn't have a preference when it comes to mommy or daddy; he is happy when either one of us holds and cuddles him. He has two bottom teeth, and so far he loves Squash and is not a fan of Peaches. We are slowly working on introducing more and more food, even though I have a major fear of food allergies. His sleep schedule is a little screwed up lately, but I am working on getting it back to normal. He has taken out his 1/2 hour morning nap and his 1/2 hour evening nap, and is down to just one, three hour afternoon nap which usually begins around 1pm. He still doesn't cry much and smiles at EVERYTHING. He is currently going through another growth spurt and is up to 20lbs and about 28 1/2 inches. He is now using furniture to stand up and can take a couple tentative steps whilst holding on to something. He is very eager to catch up to his big brother! :)

Luke hurt his back working on our increasingly gorgeous backyard and sitting in tiny crawlspaces for 60 hours a week. He was laid up this weekend, but icyhot patches, massage from yours truly and lots of stretching allowed him to return to work this morning. He is working hard on making the backyard beautiful and functional for the boys and myself and it's coming along great! He is extremely helpful to me, and I value and appreciate him more than even he knows!:)

That's all for now! Ta-ta! :)

Our Vacation to the Oregon Coast Aquarium and Visiting Family

(Note: This will sound a little rushed, as I still have unpacking, laundry, dinner and bedtimes to attend to. I apologize in advance for any punctuation or grammatical errors.)

Hello, everyone! When 2013 began, Luke and I talked about taking a much needed vacation to somewhere Finn would love and remember, and a place where Dietrich would be visually stimulated. When Luke and I were young, we both went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport, OR. Since we were small, it was a huge and fascinating land that we both remembered fondly as adults. Upon arriving and entering the place, we were a little disappointed to see how small it actually is. However, Finn loved the Shark tunnels, the Otters, and the very playful Seals and Sea Lions.

We also saw my parents, my sisters, Luke's Grandma Ann, his Granny and his Aunt Patti and Uncle Rick. My eldest sister, Lydia, came down with a strep skin infection in her leg and was hospitalized the day we arrived in Klamath, on an overnight stop before heading to Roseburg and then Newport the next day. I was able to see her and make sure she was well. While in Newport, we stayed in a beautiful, accommodating and relaxing hotel with an indoor pool. Finn is a water baby and swam four times during our three day stay. I think he enjoyed the pool more than the Aquarium! I thought Dietrich would enjoy the pool because he loves splashing in the tub, but the combination of loud, echoing kids and a large body of water terrified him the first time. I will never forget how fast he crawled up Luke's body until he was hanging onto Luke's head and gripping his hair with a deathlike grip. The second time, he was a little more willing to explore the water and didn't look so terrified.  He stayed up in the room with Luke while Finn and I went swimming the other two times though. They had fun bouncing on the beds, and crawling and exploring the room.

My sister, Kristina, lives in Portland and was able to drive down the day we went to the Aquarium and spent the whole day with us eating amazing food, seeing the fishes and swimming in the pool. Finn was attached to her hip and bawled his eyes out when she left, (she did, too. She told me later. LOL)

All in all, we drove a total of 18 hours and I can proudly say that, though we had a few bumps, the boys did amazing. I am proud of how they handled the car rides, the constant stopping and sleeping in unfamiliar places. Finn slept all the way through the night every night, (which, if you know Finn, is a feat when he is not in his own big boy car bed.) Dietrich slept like a champ in the play pen and in mommy's arms. They were awesome! Luke and I got to reconnect a little, without the distraction of daily life, work, and our other obligations. Anyhow, I am now going to quickly post some pictures from our trip, courtesy of Kristina and Aunt Patti. They are all of the boys' and nothing else, of course. Enjoy! :)

Dietrich is always happy!

Goo!

"I do NOT look like an old man, Aunt KK!"

I love my tomato!

He thinks KK is hilarious.

"I love you too, Auntie."

Smiling for his Great Aunt Patti!

"Sup?"

One of my new favorite pictures!

Chilling in the stroller

I am unamused...

Hiiiiii!!!!!!

Being camera shy...

"Can we please just leave now?"

I love my boys! :)

Say what?

He loves his dinosaurs!

Finn snuggling his Aunt KK in the hotel room!

Some pictures of my three boys!

                                            My gorgeous, hard working husband, Luke! :)

                                                   Luke and his number one man, Finn! :)

                                            Our gorgeous little tomato, Dietrich!:)

                                                               Always smiling!:)

                                                               Thank you, Pinterest !

                                                                    Sleepy guys

                                                           My gorgeous firstborn!

Appreciating the little things!

Last week, Luke and I took the boys on a little road trip, just for fun and a little family time away from California and home. It was a lot of fun actually; relaxing and the boys were superb, being that they are 2 and 6 months and we never had one fit the entire car trip, (about 9 hours all together!) Finn whined a few times, kicked my arms and my head a couple times, (dudes' got crazy long legs, thanks to me), but other than that, they were the amazing boys I know and love.

Anyhow, (and some may know the short version of this story since I posted it on FB), we stopped at a Burger King drive thru on our way out of Medford, (I love their mall!), to Klamath Falls to get some food and some hot water for Dietrichs' bottle. Some may know that both boys are/were formula fed and Dietrich won't take his bottle unless it is nice and warm, (as it should be.) I got the hot water they use for their coffee in a coffee container and was going to mix it with cold water we had from my water bottle to get it to a nice, warm temperature. I put the coffee container between my legs, while I grabbed the prepackaged formula and the cold water. Leaning forward made me squeeze my legs together and the lid popped off, sending scalding water all over my legs and into the seat I was occupying. That water travelled up my legs to my derriere. I screamed loud and long, (for a good 30 seconds, I think) and tried to stand up while in a small car and buckled in, (so obviously I got nowhere.) Luke yelled, "what the heck is wrong?!", then saw the open coffee mug that I managed to set on the center console and replied, "oh, sweetie." I was proud that I didn't cry, but we pulled into a parking spot so I could assess the damage and make the bottle slowly and without further incident. My legs burned like a really bad sunburn and the whole trip to Klamath Falls was very uncomfortable. There were three spots in particular on the my legs that felt like a hot poker was consistently pressing against them; my lower inner thighs, where the coffee cup was and the back of my left leg, where the water travelled. As soon as we got to my parents house, I went straight to the bathroom to assess the damage. On those three spots were giant blisters that were NASTY, the worst being the back of my leg. The rest of the affected areas were just bright red.

Now, there are two reasons I tell you this story in depth: 1. I ignored my mom and Luke telling me to cover them and take care of them and the one on the back of my leg is now really BAD and painful. I realized, as Luke was taking care of my leg and chastising me for not taking care of myself, that I really DON'T take care of myself. 2. I realized how quickly life can go from carefree and happy to miserable and super sucky. Let me address these.

1. When I say I don't take care of myself, I am honestly and truthfully not trying to make a martyr of myself. I know I am extremely blessed and I thank God for it every day. I have a gorgeous, hard working husband who loves me, is my best friend and a blast to be with. I have two healthy, gorgeous and super cool boys who rock. I have an extended family who are always there to help and encourage. I have a nice, working home that fits my family and keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I could go on and on with my blessings. But, when I had my boys, I stopped caring about my body, my hair, my fashion sense, my health, my sleep, etc. I know almost every mom does this; my own mother always ate dinner last, bought stuff for herself only after my sisters and I had the best and never complained when we caused her to lose sleep. I have a couple minor, and semi concerning health issues right now and I am only now, (largely in part to this burning incident), realized that I need to have them addressed and taken care of. If I want to be around when my boys graduate college, go on missions, get married and have my grandbabies, I need to do it. For them. Only now am I understanding this. So, I am taking small but truthful steps in making sure I am healthy and intact to see all of that.

2. This incident with burning my legs was obviously minor, (the nasty wound on the back of my leg tells me differently!), but it made me think about how quickly things can change in our lives. I tell the boys, (all 3 of them), how much I love them about a million times a day. I kiss all 3 of them just about that much, too. But, I am also a cleanliness control freak. I have lost my temper with Luke and with Finn when things are dirty 2 seconds after I cleaned; I put Finn in the tub the second he comes in from outside. I focus so much on keeping the house in order, that I don't play with my boys nearly as often as I should. I need to let go of some of that OCD control and enjoy the little moments that I sometimes miss, (granted, I don't miss them all!) I have heard a couple stories that make me want to make sure I do whatever I can to have no regrets when it comes to being a wife and mother. I want Luke to know how much I support him, and am always in his corner, no matter what. He is stuck with me for all eternity and I want to make sure he is always happy about that, :). I want my boys to talk about their mother with excitement, love and fondness. I want them to know how much my heart soars, just knowing they are mine. They are pieces of Luke and me. My goal, along with #1, is to make sure that I let go of some of the petty things and cherish the moments I have with these three amazing dudes.

A little bit deep and intense, but I just wanted to get it out of my head. In other lighthearted news, Finn is finally expressing himself to Luke and I more and more. He rarely takes naps and is a bit of a grump around dinner time, but besides that, he loves to run and laugh and tease Dietrich. He loves the outdoors, water and his trucks.

Dietrich is now officially crawling like a master and can sit himself up like he has been doing it for...months. Haha. He says "mama" and "dada" and "hmmm" and is completely twitterpated with Finn. He thinks dad is the bomb, (I don't care how old that saying is, I will forever say it) and loves to put everything in his mouth. He is the looking redhead I have ever seen, and I can't wait to see him discover more of his world!

Luke is my Luke. Lots of people don't understand him, but that is why our love is so flipping special. Because I understand him and he understands me. That's the sheer perfection of our marriage; we are total opposites who get each other completely. Love that man!

That is all for this evening. I love you all, and hope you are all well!

Update on my men

Hello all! I thought I would give a quick update on all three of the men in my life; namely, Luke, Finn, and my little Dietrich. I honestly don't get on my laptop anymore, (I use my phone or my Kindle), so I often forget to update this thing. I don't even know if people read this, outside of a few relatives, but it's a good thing to have so that I can remember these times when my boys are grown.

First up is the big man of the house: Luke. He is doing great. He has to get glasses, which he is not too thrilled about, but they are only for reading small print; his sight is great otherwise. He is doing great at work, and there are talks of making him a manager, (right now, they are only talks.) Though he sometimes has a rough time dealing with the politics that come with working at the company he works for, he is happy to have a lucrative job that will always need him and helps him provide for the boys and I. Finn is in love with him and even prefers him to me, (I was depressed about it for awhile, but Luke needed his turn to be #1 parent, and Dietrich is in the baby I-want-mama stage so I recovered.) Luke is an amazing dad and loves to wrestle and do big boy things with his little men.

Next is my tall, lanky and devilishly handsome blonde, Captain Finn. Mr. Finnegan Leo is 2 years and 5 months old. He loves his trucks, his blocks and being outside or in the water. He is a boy through and through, (I swear, that Y chromosome makes them love being dirty), and, from the words of my father, "an Engineer." He analyzes everything and how it works, and is an incredible builder. He is definitely his dad's little boy: passionate, driven, analytical and stubborn. He has been taking his time in the talking department, (he will tell you entire stories with great feeling and animation, though no one knows what he is saying.) He is speaking clearer more and more every day and is an extremely intelligent young man.

Last, but definitely not least, is my tomato. Mr. Dietrich Miles or as Finn calls him, D2. He is huge; I am not surprised. Finn was and is a big kiddo and their mother, (that's me!), is not exactly a petite, lil thing. He is much more broad and stout, as opposed to Finns' lanky frame, but I love his "moobs" and his chubby legs. His hair is as bright red as ever and his eyes are a beautiful, piercing blue. He loves everything his dad or his brother too, and he smiles all the time. He even smiles at you when he is fussy. He rarely cries, (I say this as he starts fussing on my lap, ha) and he babbles a lot. His favorite things to do are: make bubbles with his mouth and slobber; slobber; sit up and grab at everything he sees, including mom's hair; eat formula in a bottle, while snuggled on his mama's lap; and pull his diaper off, (yes, he can already do that. Darn it.) He is also starting to crawl and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Right now, he is rocking on his hands and knees and has moved forward a few times, but not consistently yet. I think he is eager to wrestle with daddy and run around with Finn. I am so blessed to have two such beautiful, bright and hilarious boys and a gorgeous, hard working and pretty darn funny big boy.

Mommy FAIL

I was born permanently feeling guilty. If I pass a bum and realize I have no change, I feel guilty. If I don't have the house spotless and in order, I feel guilty. If I don't do everything everyone wants 100% of the time, I feel guilty. You get the idea. This is why being a mom, for me, is so hard. Not because I am never alone, get no sleep or have lost my once awesome figure, (although that last one depresses me.) No, I don't mind sleepless nights, or having my boys always with me. I love being around them, teaching them and snuggling them. But, I always always ALWAYS feel bad about something when it comes to being a parent. Every day, I do something that makes me hate myself. Hate is a strong word. It makes me super duper ticked at myself. Whether it's losing my temper and raising my voice a little higher than I would like, or accidentally knocking over Finn so he goes crashing down and knocks his head on a hard floor, (yes, that happened today and it's what spurred this post, as a matter of fact), I always feel like I have failed them. Here is a quick back story.

Today, I took D to the doctor for his Hep B shot. He didn't get it at his 4 month well check because he was already having 4 and his doc won't subject the babies to more than that at one time. I usually try to have my friend watch Finn during D's appointments because they can take awhile, and I want to hear everything the doc has to say without also trying to wrangle a high energy, busy little man. But, I thought, "we will be in and out so it will be fine." Negative. We waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half as Finn first tried to talk and kiss every human in the room and then, as I tried to hold him in my lap, proceeded to scream bloody murder and arch his back gymnast style. The annoyed sighs and death glares were palpable. Then, once we got into the immunization room, he proceeded to touch everything, scream when I tried to sit him in the chair and, for the cherry on top, TURN THE LIGHTS OUT RIGHT AS THE NURSE IS STICKING THE NEEDLE IN D'S LEG. As I rush to turn the light back on, I simultaneously grab Finns' arm to move him. He rips his arm away with such force and then trips on my foot, falling backwards and audibly cracking his head on the hard floor. I am so flustered and still have to grab D, put his pants on, get him in his car seat and leave, while the nurse glares at me like, since I was visibly flustered and mad, I intentionally knocked my kids' head into the floor. I just wanted to leave asap so I get D situated, (oddly all the commotion prevented him from even crying from the shot), grabbed Finn and practically ran in my annoying three inch heels, holding a 35 lb toddler, an awkward carseat with an 18lb baby, and a diaper bag.

I tell you this story, not only because it's cathartic, but because the whole way home, I cried and internally beat myself the whole way home. Why didn't I control him better? Does that nurse think I'm the worst mother on the planet? How come other moms always have it together, even with multiple children? I have made so many mistakes with Finn, (Dietrich is still too young for me to do any damage...yet. lol) I love them with everything I am; I thank God every day that I get to be their mother. Yet, I hold myself up to this impossible standard. Not only have others told me it's impossible; I myself know it is. And yet, I can't stop thinking, I can do better. A good mother wouldn't make that mistake. You've been a mother for over two years now. You have two children. Will I ever get it right? I know the answer is no. I know I will make mistakes today, tomorrow, when they're 30...but, I will beat myself up every time I do. Every time. I have gotten over my fun adventure at the Drs. office now, but I know soon it will be something else. It's only a matter of time. My only hope is that the boys know I would die for them, and will forever try to be the perfect mother for them.