I am just trying to keep track of the all the milestones, and all the important and not so important happenings with the boys and Luke!
Finn loves the outdoors and is an incredible builder. We were becoming a little concerned with his speaking abilities, until we talked to a Speech Therapist and did some research of our own online. They gave us a checklist of things a boy his age should be doing and saying, and he met every single one. He babbles, makes motions and changes his tone when speaking, (even though we aren't sure what he is trying to tell us!), he can say at least 100 words, put 2 words together, and looks directly at the person he is trying to "talk" to. He isn't saying clear, full sentences but the Specialist said to be patient with boys because they tend to talk later than girls. We were relieved to hear all of that, and we are both working with him daily to expand his vocabulary and communicate with us better! His Polands' Syndrome doesn't cause any issues, and we are preparing WAY ahead of time on how to address it when he has questions about why his chest looks different than his brothers', dad or his future friends. He is an analytical thinker who has a lot of passion and loves to rough house with his dad and brother. He is ALL boy, and is an extremely picky eater, which we are slowly working on as well. He is about 37lbs, absolutely solid, and at last measurement was almost 40 inches tall. :)
Dietrich is a master crawler, and can go from one place to another in speedy time. He loves when Finn pays attention to him and he is a major snuggler. He doesn't have a preference when it comes to mommy or daddy; he is happy when either one of us holds and cuddles him. He has two bottom teeth, and so far he loves Squash and is not a fan of Peaches. We are slowly working on introducing more and more food, even though I have a major fear of food allergies. His sleep schedule is a little screwed up lately, but I am working on getting it back to normal. He has taken out his 1/2 hour morning nap and his 1/2 hour evening nap, and is down to just one, three hour afternoon nap which usually begins around 1pm. He still doesn't cry much and smiles at EVERYTHING. He is currently going through another growth spurt and is up to 20lbs and about 28 1/2 inches. He is now using furniture to stand up and can take a couple tentative steps whilst holding on to something. He is very eager to catch up to his big brother! :)
Luke hurt his back working on our increasingly gorgeous backyard and sitting in tiny crawlspaces for 60 hours a week. He was laid up this weekend, but icyhot patches, massage from yours truly and lots of stretching allowed him to return to work this morning. He is working hard on making the backyard beautiful and functional for the boys and myself and it's coming along great! He is extremely helpful to me, and I value and appreciate him more than even he knows!:)
That's all for now! Ta-ta! :)
The going-ons of our little family, which started with one TALL gal and one IRISH man and soon became the third and fourth TALL, IRISH little men! Enjoy! :)
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Our Vacation to the Oregon Coast Aquarium and Visiting Family
(Note: This will sound a little rushed, as I still have unpacking, laundry, dinner and bedtimes to attend to. I apologize in advance for any punctuation or grammatical errors.)
Hello, everyone! When 2013 began, Luke and I talked about taking a much needed vacation to somewhere Finn would love and remember, and a place where Dietrich would be visually stimulated. When Luke and I were young, we both went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport, OR. Since we were small, it was a huge and fascinating land that we both remembered fondly as adults. Upon arriving and entering the place, we were a little disappointed to see how small it actually is. However, Finn loved the Shark tunnels, the Otters, and the very playful Seals and Sea Lions.
We also saw my parents, my sisters, Luke's Grandma Ann, his Granny and his Aunt Patti and Uncle Rick. My eldest sister, Lydia, came down with a strep skin infection in her leg and was hospitalized the day we arrived in Klamath, on an overnight stop before heading to Roseburg and then Newport the next day. I was able to see her and make sure she was well. While in Newport, we stayed in a beautiful, accommodating and relaxing hotel with an indoor pool. Finn is a water baby and swam four times during our three day stay. I think he enjoyed the pool more than the Aquarium! I thought Dietrich would enjoy the pool because he loves splashing in the tub, but the combination of loud, echoing kids and a large body of water terrified him the first time. I will never forget how fast he crawled up Luke's body until he was hanging onto Luke's head and gripping his hair with a deathlike grip. The second time, he was a little more willing to explore the water and didn't look so terrified. He stayed up in the room with Luke while Finn and I went swimming the other two times though. They had fun bouncing on the beds, and crawling and exploring the room.
My sister, Kristina, lives in Portland and was able to drive down the day we went to the Aquarium and spent the whole day with us eating amazing food, seeing the fishes and swimming in the pool. Finn was attached to her hip and bawled his eyes out when she left, (she did, too. She told me later. LOL)
All in all, we drove a total of 18 hours and I can proudly say that, though we had a few bumps, the boys did amazing. I am proud of how they handled the car rides, the constant stopping and sleeping in unfamiliar places. Finn slept all the way through the night every night, (which, if you know Finn, is a feat when he is not in his own big boy car bed.) Dietrich slept like a champ in the play pen and in mommy's arms. They were awesome! Luke and I got to reconnect a little, without the distraction of daily life, work, and our other obligations. Anyhow, I am now going to quickly post some pictures from our trip, courtesy of Kristina and Aunt Patti. They are all of the boys' and nothing else, of course. Enjoy! :)
Hello, everyone! When 2013 began, Luke and I talked about taking a much needed vacation to somewhere Finn would love and remember, and a place where Dietrich would be visually stimulated. When Luke and I were young, we both went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport, OR. Since we were small, it was a huge and fascinating land that we both remembered fondly as adults. Upon arriving and entering the place, we were a little disappointed to see how small it actually is. However, Finn loved the Shark tunnels, the Otters, and the very playful Seals and Sea Lions.
We also saw my parents, my sisters, Luke's Grandma Ann, his Granny and his Aunt Patti and Uncle Rick. My eldest sister, Lydia, came down with a strep skin infection in her leg and was hospitalized the day we arrived in Klamath, on an overnight stop before heading to Roseburg and then Newport the next day. I was able to see her and make sure she was well. While in Newport, we stayed in a beautiful, accommodating and relaxing hotel with an indoor pool. Finn is a water baby and swam four times during our three day stay. I think he enjoyed the pool more than the Aquarium! I thought Dietrich would enjoy the pool because he loves splashing in the tub, but the combination of loud, echoing kids and a large body of water terrified him the first time. I will never forget how fast he crawled up Luke's body until he was hanging onto Luke's head and gripping his hair with a deathlike grip. The second time, he was a little more willing to explore the water and didn't look so terrified. He stayed up in the room with Luke while Finn and I went swimming the other two times though. They had fun bouncing on the beds, and crawling and exploring the room.
My sister, Kristina, lives in Portland and was able to drive down the day we went to the Aquarium and spent the whole day with us eating amazing food, seeing the fishes and swimming in the pool. Finn was attached to her hip and bawled his eyes out when she left, (she did, too. She told me later. LOL)
All in all, we drove a total of 18 hours and I can proudly say that, though we had a few bumps, the boys did amazing. I am proud of how they handled the car rides, the constant stopping and sleeping in unfamiliar places. Finn slept all the way through the night every night, (which, if you know Finn, is a feat when he is not in his own big boy car bed.) Dietrich slept like a champ in the play pen and in mommy's arms. They were awesome! Luke and I got to reconnect a little, without the distraction of daily life, work, and our other obligations. Anyhow, I am now going to quickly post some pictures from our trip, courtesy of Kristina and Aunt Patti. They are all of the boys' and nothing else, of course. Enjoy! :)
Dietrich is always happy!
Goo!
"I do NOT look like an old man, Aunt KK!"
I love my tomato!
He thinks KK is hilarious.
"I love you too, Auntie."
Smiling for his Great Aunt Patti!
"Sup?"
One of my new favorite pictures!
Chilling in the stroller
I am unamused...
Hiiiiii!!!!!!
Being camera shy...
"Can we please just leave now?"
I love my boys! :)
Say what?
He loves his dinosaurs!
Finn snuggling his Aunt KK in the hotel room!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Some pictures of my three boys!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Appreciating the little things!
Last week, Luke and I took the boys on a little road trip, just for fun and a little family time away from California and home. It was a lot of fun actually; relaxing and the boys were superb, being that they are 2 and 6 months and we never had one fit the entire car trip, (about 9 hours all together!) Finn whined a few times, kicked my arms and my head a couple times, (dudes' got crazy long legs, thanks to me), but other than that, they were the amazing boys I know and love.
Anyhow, (and some may know the short version of this story since I posted it on FB), we stopped at a Burger King drive thru on our way out of Medford, (I love their mall!), to Klamath Falls to get some food and some hot water for Dietrichs' bottle. Some may know that both boys are/were formula fed and Dietrich won't take his bottle unless it is nice and warm, (as it should be.) I got the hot water they use for their coffee in a coffee container and was going to mix it with cold water we had from my water bottle to get it to a nice, warm temperature. I put the coffee container between my legs, while I grabbed the prepackaged formula and the cold water. Leaning forward made me squeeze my legs together and the lid popped off, sending scalding water all over my legs and into the seat I was occupying. That water travelled up my legs to my derriere. I screamed loud and long, (for a good 30 seconds, I think) and tried to stand up while in a small car and buckled in, (so obviously I got nowhere.) Luke yelled, "what the heck is wrong?!", then saw the open coffee mug that I managed to set on the center console and replied, "oh, sweetie." I was proud that I didn't cry, but we pulled into a parking spot so I could assess the damage and make the bottle slowly and without further incident. My legs burned like a really bad sunburn and the whole trip to Klamath Falls was very uncomfortable. There were three spots in particular on the my legs that felt like a hot poker was consistently pressing against them; my lower inner thighs, where the coffee cup was and the back of my left leg, where the water travelled. As soon as we got to my parents house, I went straight to the bathroom to assess the damage. On those three spots were giant blisters that were NASTY, the worst being the back of my leg. The rest of the affected areas were just bright red.
Now, there are two reasons I tell you this story in depth: 1. I ignored my mom and Luke telling me to cover them and take care of them and the one on the back of my leg is now really BAD and painful. I realized, as Luke was taking care of my leg and chastising me for not taking care of myself, that I really DON'T take care of myself. 2. I realized how quickly life can go from carefree and happy to miserable and super sucky. Let me address these.
1. When I say I don't take care of myself, I am honestly and truthfully not trying to make a martyr of myself. I know I am extremely blessed and I thank God for it every day. I have a gorgeous, hard working husband who loves me, is my best friend and a blast to be with. I have two healthy, gorgeous and super cool boys who rock. I have an extended family who are always there to help and encourage. I have a nice, working home that fits my family and keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I could go on and on with my blessings. But, when I had my boys, I stopped caring about my body, my hair, my fashion sense, my health, my sleep, etc. I know almost every mom does this; my own mother always ate dinner last, bought stuff for herself only after my sisters and I had the best and never complained when we caused her to lose sleep. I have a couple minor, and semi concerning health issues right now and I am only now, (largely in part to this burning incident), realized that I need to have them addressed and taken care of. If I want to be around when my boys graduate college, go on missions, get married and have my grandbabies, I need to do it. For them. Only now am I understanding this. So, I am taking small but truthful steps in making sure I am healthy and intact to see all of that.
2. This incident with burning my legs was obviously minor, (the nasty wound on the back of my leg tells me differently!), but it made me think about how quickly things can change in our lives. I tell the boys, (all 3 of them), how much I love them about a million times a day. I kiss all 3 of them just about that much, too. But, I am also a cleanliness control freak. I have lost my temper with Luke and with Finn when things are dirty 2 seconds after I cleaned; I put Finn in the tub the second he comes in from outside. I focus so much on keeping the house in order, that I don't play with my boys nearly as often as I should. I need to let go of some of that OCD control and enjoy the little moments that I sometimes miss, (granted, I don't miss them all!) I have heard a couple stories that make me want to make sure I do whatever I can to have no regrets when it comes to being a wife and mother. I want Luke to know how much I support him, and am always in his corner, no matter what. He is stuck with me for all eternity and I want to make sure he is always happy about that, :). I want my boys to talk about their mother with excitement, love and fondness. I want them to know how much my heart soars, just knowing they are mine. They are pieces of Luke and me. My goal, along with #1, is to make sure that I let go of some of the petty things and cherish the moments I have with these three amazing dudes.
A little bit deep and intense, but I just wanted to get it out of my head. In other lighthearted news, Finn is finally expressing himself to Luke and I more and more. He rarely takes naps and is a bit of a grump around dinner time, but besides that, he loves to run and laugh and tease Dietrich. He loves the outdoors, water and his trucks.
Dietrich is now officially crawling like a master and can sit himself up like he has been doing it for...months. Haha. He says "mama" and "dada" and "hmmm" and is completely twitterpated with Finn. He thinks dad is the bomb, (I don't care how old that saying is, I will forever say it) and loves to put everything in his mouth. He is the looking redhead I have ever seen, and I can't wait to see him discover more of his world!
Luke is my Luke. Lots of people don't understand him, but that is why our love is so flipping special. Because I understand him and he understands me. That's the sheer perfection of our marriage; we are total opposites who get each other completely. Love that man!
That is all for this evening. I love you all, and hope you are all well!
Anyhow, (and some may know the short version of this story since I posted it on FB), we stopped at a Burger King drive thru on our way out of Medford, (I love their mall!), to Klamath Falls to get some food and some hot water for Dietrichs' bottle. Some may know that both boys are/were formula fed and Dietrich won't take his bottle unless it is nice and warm, (as it should be.) I got the hot water they use for their coffee in a coffee container and was going to mix it with cold water we had from my water bottle to get it to a nice, warm temperature. I put the coffee container between my legs, while I grabbed the prepackaged formula and the cold water. Leaning forward made me squeeze my legs together and the lid popped off, sending scalding water all over my legs and into the seat I was occupying. That water travelled up my legs to my derriere. I screamed loud and long, (for a good 30 seconds, I think) and tried to stand up while in a small car and buckled in, (so obviously I got nowhere.) Luke yelled, "what the heck is wrong?!", then saw the open coffee mug that I managed to set on the center console and replied, "oh, sweetie." I was proud that I didn't cry, but we pulled into a parking spot so I could assess the damage and make the bottle slowly and without further incident. My legs burned like a really bad sunburn and the whole trip to Klamath Falls was very uncomfortable. There were three spots in particular on the my legs that felt like a hot poker was consistently pressing against them; my lower inner thighs, where the coffee cup was and the back of my left leg, where the water travelled. As soon as we got to my parents house, I went straight to the bathroom to assess the damage. On those three spots were giant blisters that were NASTY, the worst being the back of my leg. The rest of the affected areas were just bright red.
Now, there are two reasons I tell you this story in depth: 1. I ignored my mom and Luke telling me to cover them and take care of them and the one on the back of my leg is now really BAD and painful. I realized, as Luke was taking care of my leg and chastising me for not taking care of myself, that I really DON'T take care of myself. 2. I realized how quickly life can go from carefree and happy to miserable and super sucky. Let me address these.
1. When I say I don't take care of myself, I am honestly and truthfully not trying to make a martyr of myself. I know I am extremely blessed and I thank God for it every day. I have a gorgeous, hard working husband who loves me, is my best friend and a blast to be with. I have two healthy, gorgeous and super cool boys who rock. I have an extended family who are always there to help and encourage. I have a nice, working home that fits my family and keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I could go on and on with my blessings. But, when I had my boys, I stopped caring about my body, my hair, my fashion sense, my health, my sleep, etc. I know almost every mom does this; my own mother always ate dinner last, bought stuff for herself only after my sisters and I had the best and never complained when we caused her to lose sleep. I have a couple minor, and semi concerning health issues right now and I am only now, (largely in part to this burning incident), realized that I need to have them addressed and taken care of. If I want to be around when my boys graduate college, go on missions, get married and have my grandbabies, I need to do it. For them. Only now am I understanding this. So, I am taking small but truthful steps in making sure I am healthy and intact to see all of that.
2. This incident with burning my legs was obviously minor, (the nasty wound on the back of my leg tells me differently!), but it made me think about how quickly things can change in our lives. I tell the boys, (all 3 of them), how much I love them about a million times a day. I kiss all 3 of them just about that much, too. But, I am also a cleanliness control freak. I have lost my temper with Luke and with Finn when things are dirty 2 seconds after I cleaned; I put Finn in the tub the second he comes in from outside. I focus so much on keeping the house in order, that I don't play with my boys nearly as often as I should. I need to let go of some of that OCD control and enjoy the little moments that I sometimes miss, (granted, I don't miss them all!) I have heard a couple stories that make me want to make sure I do whatever I can to have no regrets when it comes to being a wife and mother. I want Luke to know how much I support him, and am always in his corner, no matter what. He is stuck with me for all eternity and I want to make sure he is always happy about that, :). I want my boys to talk about their mother with excitement, love and fondness. I want them to know how much my heart soars, just knowing they are mine. They are pieces of Luke and me. My goal, along with #1, is to make sure that I let go of some of the petty things and cherish the moments I have with these three amazing dudes.
A little bit deep and intense, but I just wanted to get it out of my head. In other lighthearted news, Finn is finally expressing himself to Luke and I more and more. He rarely takes naps and is a bit of a grump around dinner time, but besides that, he loves to run and laugh and tease Dietrich. He loves the outdoors, water and his trucks.
Dietrich is now officially crawling like a master and can sit himself up like he has been doing it for...months. Haha. He says "mama" and "dada" and "hmmm" and is completely twitterpated with Finn. He thinks dad is the bomb, (I don't care how old that saying is, I will forever say it) and loves to put everything in his mouth. He is the looking redhead I have ever seen, and I can't wait to see him discover more of his world!
Luke is my Luke. Lots of people don't understand him, but that is why our love is so flipping special. Because I understand him and he understands me. That's the sheer perfection of our marriage; we are total opposites who get each other completely. Love that man!
That is all for this evening. I love you all, and hope you are all well!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Update on my men
Hello all! I thought I would give a quick update on all three of the men in my life; namely, Luke, Finn, and my little Dietrich. I honestly don't get on my laptop anymore, (I use my phone or my Kindle), so I often forget to update this thing. I don't even know if people read this, outside of a few relatives, but it's a good thing to have so that I can remember these times when my boys are grown.
First up is the big man of the house: Luke. He is doing great. He has to get glasses, which he is not too thrilled about, but they are only for reading small print; his sight is great otherwise. He is doing great at work, and there are talks of making him a manager, (right now, they are only talks.) Though he sometimes has a rough time dealing with the politics that come with working at the company he works for, he is happy to have a lucrative job that will always need him and helps him provide for the boys and I. Finn is in love with him and even prefers him to me, (I was depressed about it for awhile, but Luke needed his turn to be #1 parent, and Dietrich is in the baby I-want-mama stage so I recovered.) Luke is an amazing dad and loves to wrestle and do big boy things with his little men.
Next is my tall, lanky and devilishly handsome blonde, Captain Finn. Mr. Finnegan Leo is 2 years and 5 months old. He loves his trucks, his blocks and being outside or in the water. He is a boy through and through, (I swear, that Y chromosome makes them love being dirty), and, from the words of my father, "an Engineer." He analyzes everything and how it works, and is an incredible builder. He is definitely his dad's little boy: passionate, driven, analytical and stubborn. He has been taking his time in the talking department, (he will tell you entire stories with great feeling and animation, though no one knows what he is saying.) He is speaking clearer more and more every day and is an extremely intelligent young man.
Last, but definitely not least, is my tomato. Mr. Dietrich Miles or as Finn calls him, D2. He is huge; I am not surprised. Finn was and is a big kiddo and their mother, (that's me!), is not exactly a petite, lil thing. He is much more broad and stout, as opposed to Finns' lanky frame, but I love his "moobs" and his chubby legs. His hair is as bright red as ever and his eyes are a beautiful, piercing blue. He loves everything his dad or his brother too, and he smiles all the time. He even smiles at you when he is fussy. He rarely cries, (I say this as he starts fussing on my lap, ha) and he babbles a lot. His favorite things to do are: make bubbles with his mouth and slobber; slobber; sit up and grab at everything he sees, including mom's hair; eat formula in a bottle, while snuggled on his mama's lap; and pull his diaper off, (yes, he can already do that. Darn it.) He is also starting to crawl and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Right now, he is rocking on his hands and knees and has moved forward a few times, but not consistently yet. I think he is eager to wrestle with daddy and run around with Finn. I am so blessed to have two such beautiful, bright and hilarious boys and a gorgeous, hard working and pretty darn funny big boy.
First up is the big man of the house: Luke. He is doing great. He has to get glasses, which he is not too thrilled about, but they are only for reading small print; his sight is great otherwise. He is doing great at work, and there are talks of making him a manager, (right now, they are only talks.) Though he sometimes has a rough time dealing with the politics that come with working at the company he works for, he is happy to have a lucrative job that will always need him and helps him provide for the boys and I. Finn is in love with him and even prefers him to me, (I was depressed about it for awhile, but Luke needed his turn to be #1 parent, and Dietrich is in the baby I-want-mama stage so I recovered.) Luke is an amazing dad and loves to wrestle and do big boy things with his little men.
Next is my tall, lanky and devilishly handsome blonde, Captain Finn. Mr. Finnegan Leo is 2 years and 5 months old. He loves his trucks, his blocks and being outside or in the water. He is a boy through and through, (I swear, that Y chromosome makes them love being dirty), and, from the words of my father, "an Engineer." He analyzes everything and how it works, and is an incredible builder. He is definitely his dad's little boy: passionate, driven, analytical and stubborn. He has been taking his time in the talking department, (he will tell you entire stories with great feeling and animation, though no one knows what he is saying.) He is speaking clearer more and more every day and is an extremely intelligent young man.
Last, but definitely not least, is my tomato. Mr. Dietrich Miles or as Finn calls him, D2. He is huge; I am not surprised. Finn was and is a big kiddo and their mother, (that's me!), is not exactly a petite, lil thing. He is much more broad and stout, as opposed to Finns' lanky frame, but I love his "moobs" and his chubby legs. His hair is as bright red as ever and his eyes are a beautiful, piercing blue. He loves everything his dad or his brother too, and he smiles all the time. He even smiles at you when he is fussy. He rarely cries, (I say this as he starts fussing on my lap, ha) and he babbles a lot. His favorite things to do are: make bubbles with his mouth and slobber; slobber; sit up and grab at everything he sees, including mom's hair; eat formula in a bottle, while snuggled on his mama's lap; and pull his diaper off, (yes, he can already do that. Darn it.) He is also starting to crawl and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Right now, he is rocking on his hands and knees and has moved forward a few times, but not consistently yet. I think he is eager to wrestle with daddy and run around with Finn. I am so blessed to have two such beautiful, bright and hilarious boys and a gorgeous, hard working and pretty darn funny big boy.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Mommy FAIL
I was born permanently feeling guilty. If I pass a bum and realize I have no change, I feel guilty. If I don't have the house spotless and in order, I feel guilty. If I don't do everything everyone wants 100% of the time, I feel guilty. You get the idea. This is why being a mom, for me, is so hard. Not because I am never alone, get no sleep or have lost my once awesome figure, (although that last one depresses me.) No, I don't mind sleepless nights, or having my boys always with me. I love being around them, teaching them and snuggling them. But, I always always ALWAYS feel bad about something when it comes to being a parent. Every day, I do something that makes me hate myself. Hate is a strong word. It makes me super duper ticked at myself. Whether it's losing my temper and raising my voice a little higher than I would like, or accidentally knocking over Finn so he goes crashing down and knocks his head on a hard floor, (yes, that happened today and it's what spurred this post, as a matter of fact), I always feel like I have failed them. Here is a quick back story.
Today, I took D to the doctor for his Hep B shot. He didn't get it at his 4 month well check because he was already having 4 and his doc won't subject the babies to more than that at one time. I usually try to have my friend watch Finn during D's appointments because they can take awhile, and I want to hear everything the doc has to say without also trying to wrangle a high energy, busy little man. But, I thought, "we will be in and out so it will be fine." Negative. We waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half as Finn first tried to talk and kiss every human in the room and then, as I tried to hold him in my lap, proceeded to scream bloody murder and arch his back gymnast style. The annoyed sighs and death glares were palpable. Then, once we got into the immunization room, he proceeded to touch everything, scream when I tried to sit him in the chair and, for the cherry on top, TURN THE LIGHTS OUT RIGHT AS THE NURSE IS STICKING THE NEEDLE IN D'S LEG. As I rush to turn the light back on, I simultaneously grab Finns' arm to move him. He rips his arm away with such force and then trips on my foot, falling backwards and audibly cracking his head on the hard floor. I am so flustered and still have to grab D, put his pants on, get him in his car seat and leave, while the nurse glares at me like, since I was visibly flustered and mad, I intentionally knocked my kids' head into the floor. I just wanted to leave asap so I get D situated, (oddly all the commotion prevented him from even crying from the shot), grabbed Finn and practically ran in my annoying three inch heels, holding a 35 lb toddler, an awkward carseat with an 18lb baby, and a diaper bag.
I tell you this story, not only because it's cathartic, but because the whole way home, I cried and internally beat myself the whole way home. Why didn't I control him better? Does that nurse think I'm the worst mother on the planet? How come other moms always have it together, even with multiple children? I have made so many mistakes with Finn, (Dietrich is still too young for me to do any damage...yet. lol) I love them with everything I am; I thank God every day that I get to be their mother. Yet, I hold myself up to this impossible standard. Not only have others told me it's impossible; I myself know it is. And yet, I can't stop thinking, I can do better. A good mother wouldn't make that mistake. You've been a mother for over two years now. You have two children. Will I ever get it right? I know the answer is no. I know I will make mistakes today, tomorrow, when they're 30...but, I will beat myself up every time I do. Every time. I have gotten over my fun adventure at the Drs. office now, but I know soon it will be something else. It's only a matter of time. My only hope is that the boys know I would die for them, and will forever try to be the perfect mother for them.
Today, I took D to the doctor for his Hep B shot. He didn't get it at his 4 month well check because he was already having 4 and his doc won't subject the babies to more than that at one time. I usually try to have my friend watch Finn during D's appointments because they can take awhile, and I want to hear everything the doc has to say without also trying to wrangle a high energy, busy little man. But, I thought, "we will be in and out so it will be fine." Negative. We waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half as Finn first tried to talk and kiss every human in the room and then, as I tried to hold him in my lap, proceeded to scream bloody murder and arch his back gymnast style. The annoyed sighs and death glares were palpable. Then, once we got into the immunization room, he proceeded to touch everything, scream when I tried to sit him in the chair and, for the cherry on top, TURN THE LIGHTS OUT RIGHT AS THE NURSE IS STICKING THE NEEDLE IN D'S LEG. As I rush to turn the light back on, I simultaneously grab Finns' arm to move him. He rips his arm away with such force and then trips on my foot, falling backwards and audibly cracking his head on the hard floor. I am so flustered and still have to grab D, put his pants on, get him in his car seat and leave, while the nurse glares at me like, since I was visibly flustered and mad, I intentionally knocked my kids' head into the floor. I just wanted to leave asap so I get D situated, (oddly all the commotion prevented him from even crying from the shot), grabbed Finn and practically ran in my annoying three inch heels, holding a 35 lb toddler, an awkward carseat with an 18lb baby, and a diaper bag.
I tell you this story, not only because it's cathartic, but because the whole way home, I cried and internally beat myself the whole way home. Why didn't I control him better? Does that nurse think I'm the worst mother on the planet? How come other moms always have it together, even with multiple children? I have made so many mistakes with Finn, (Dietrich is still too young for me to do any damage...yet. lol) I love them with everything I am; I thank God every day that I get to be their mother. Yet, I hold myself up to this impossible standard. Not only have others told me it's impossible; I myself know it is. And yet, I can't stop thinking, I can do better. A good mother wouldn't make that mistake. You've been a mother for over two years now. You have two children. Will I ever get it right? I know the answer is no. I know I will make mistakes today, tomorrow, when they're 30...but, I will beat myself up every time I do. Every time. I have gotten over my fun adventure at the Drs. office now, but I know soon it will be something else. It's only a matter of time. My only hope is that the boys know I would die for them, and will forever try to be the perfect mother for them.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Long time coming!
Hello everyone who may or may not read this blog! I haven't updated since I found out I was pregnant with my second kiddo and now he is two and a half months old! I was a little busy with a growing, running, mayhem causing toddler, a home, bills and all the stuff that comes with being a stay at home mom who likes to stay busy, be clean and stay organized.
We found out we were having another boy when we went in for our 22 week Level 2 ultrasound. Because of Lukes' heart "condition", (doesn't really cause any issues for him now, besides high blood pressure), and his family's history of heart conditions, every baby we have goes for a specialized ultrasound that checks all organs are growing correctly and are on track, (mainly the heart and aorta.) We were both surprised, mainly because we had just found out Lukes brother and his wife were having a boy and there are only male grandchildren on Lukes side. We thought for sure we would be bringing a girl into the mix. But, we were also ecstatic it was a boy for a few reasons: 1. We got this boy raising thing down; well, maybe not DOWN, but we know a heck of a lot more about it than raising a girl! 2. We already had everything needed for a baby boy. 3. We had agreed completely on the boys' name and were still kind of up in the air about a girls' name. 4. We were just happy he was a healthy and growing little man.
My pregnancy was run of the mill, aside from a couple things. I got huge. And, I know all pregnant women say that and truly believe they are the biggest pregnant chick in existence, but I am not exaggerating when I say I looked pregnant with triplets. At least. I still had some chub-a-lub from my first pregnancy with Finn, and my second son was HUGE. I had to sleep on the couch sitting up for the last month and a half of my pregnancy because of the immense pressure on my hips and the sheer size of my belly.
I went in for my 40 week check up, excited to see how I was progressing and hoping no intervention would be needed, (Finn was 42 weeks and I was induced on three different ocassions until it finally worked and my little blondie came out.) The week before, I had an hour long "episode" of excruciating pain that knocked me off my feet. I thought it was labor, but besides the little dude moving like crazy, there were no signs of labor, (stomach arching and tightening, water breaking, loss of the ever so lovely mucous plug.) So, I breathed through it and it went away, never to return. Come to find out, the man had taken his head out of my pelvis and completely flipped so now his butt was in my pelvis, his feet were pushing on my tummy and his head was lodged in my ribs. Lovely. My hippie midwife, (whom I adore and admire), told me that unfortunately, because of position and his estimated size, (guessed from an ultrasound), I would need a C-Section within a few days. I cried, and she hugged me. Then, I called Luke, cried some more, he said all the things an amazing husband says and I toughened up, set the date for the next morning and went over to the Surgery Unit for my pre-op and registration. I called my mom, and she, one of my three sisters, and my dad hopped into their car and arrived three hours later. I snuggled Finn before he went to bed, and then settled on my couch for a long night of worry and wondering.
The next morning, Luke and I got up at 4:30am, kissed Finn and told my parents we were heading out. We held hands as I waddled into the triage and then plopped my large self into the security guards' wheelchair. We were taken to the Maternity Ward, where I met and came to love one of the nurses, (sarcastic, lighthearted and comforting; she was incredible.) Luke and I also were so happy to know that our favorite nurse who took perfect care of Finn when he had his scary beginning was coming on at 7am and was working through my 3 day stay. After 6 needle pricks, (I have the worst veins) and a lovely catheter, I was prepped and ready to go. The anesthesiologist came in, explained what would be happening with my spinal block, (contrary to popular belief, it is NOTHING like an epidural) and then I was put in a wheelchair and whisked to the OR. Luke was taken to get scrubs and a mask on and then told to wait in the waiting room while I was prepped. I was asked to sit on the surgery bed where I hugged a little nurse and arched my back as much as my belly would allow while the anesthesiologist numbed around my spine and then put my spinal block in. It was very uncomfortable, but not excruciatingly painful. Once that was in, I laid down, which was horrible since my belly was so huge and I was not accustomed to laying flat. They strapped my arms down, put the curtain up and began testing my legs and belly for any feeling. I couldn't feel a thing, which is a very strange feeling! Then, they began sponging my stomach, pelvic region and upper thighs with iodine. The most awkward moment for me was when the Anesthesiologist lifted my gown completely up to put on the heart and lung monitors. I was laying flat on my back, with a gigantic belly sticking straight up to the heavens, completely naked, showing all my private areas to the 20 nurses and doctors in the room. I had to remind myself that they do this all the time, and it was nothing new for them. My amazing midwife came up to my head, stroked my cheek and told me she was going to be assisting and would be there for me and the baby. It helped a ton!
At the beginning of the surgery, I felt a sharp pain in my lower right side as they began cutting and informed the Anesthesiologist right away. He popped a local anesthetic in that spot and all was well again. He had told me that his job was to make sure I was safe, happy and healthy and would assist me however I needed it, whether it was more Morphine, or whether I came into any danger. He was a very intelligent, kind man and I really appreciated him.
They had already begun cutting me open when Luke arrived to be by my head, so he saw my insides and my tummy widely exposed. He said it didn't bother him, but something else really did. They had a suction tube resting on the edge of the incision and it was sucking out amniotic fluid and my blood. The canister that all that junk went into was resting on Luke's calf and it was filling up fast. Though I was kind of out of it from the morphine, I started to get increasingly dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. My OB later told me that I actually lost a lot of blood and they were getting a little nervous trying to get the little dude out. He apparently flipped as they were cutting and dropped his head into my pelvis as he was trying to pull him out, (the little bugger waited until it was too late to go into the right position!) They also had me laying so far back and almost on my head, that my head felt fuzzy and I couldn't breathe very well, (due also in part to the fact that I was numb up to my chest.)
When they pulled him out, I just wanted to hear him cry. Because Finn came out blue with collapsed lungs, I didn't get to hear that beautiful first sound that every mom wants to hear. A few seconds after I felt some hard tugs and then a very odd feeling of emptiness, I heard that glorious sound and began to cry. Then I heard my OB say, "What a ton of bright red hair!" I was shocked, but demanded I see him. Once his nurse did his first apgar test, (almost a perfect 10!), she swaddled him and gave him to Luke. He took the dude's little beanie off so we could see that glorious red hair. And boy, was it glorious! Luke, the nurse and our second little man were taken to the Maternity Ward while I was taken to recovery. I fell asleep and when I woke and saw the nurse lifting my legs and I couldn't feel them, I freaked out a little bit. He was doing his routine checks on me, but to have literally no feeling from your chest down is odd and uncomfortable. He told me to rest for an hour or so, and if all looked well, I would be wheeled to the Maternity Ward to be with my bug and my husband. I very easily slipped into a Morphine-induced coma and when I woke, I was being taken to meet my little love! Luke and our favorite nurse, (her name is Jenny), had already given him a bath, done his hand and footprints and were snuggling and admiring him when I arrived. He was instantly plopped onto my chest to eat and get some skin-on-skin bonding time and that is essentially where he stayed for the next three days. Now, here are some things I remember about that the next dizzying few days.
First, I text my mom a lot, asking for updates on Finn. He was a little out of sorts, not having mom and dad there and not knowing where they were, but she, my dad and my sister were doing there best to keep him happy and occupied and in his original routine. He came to see me and his little brother every day, but since I couldn't hold him and I had a nose cannula on my face, he looked uncomfortable and could only stay in the room for short, little bursts. It was so painful to be away from him, and I am glad my family was there to help him transition.
Next, I remember all the people that came to see me. I remember Ruben and Shawntay coming, bearing gifts for the bubbs and a Mt. Dew for me. They both rock, and Ruben was happy to meet his second Godson! I remember Sabrina coming, with her adorable bursting belly, bringing me more Mt. Dew and snuggling her new nephew. Later, her husband, Uncle Paul came and admired his newest nephew to love on. My mom, dad, Becca and Finn came a couple times each day and stayed to love on the baby. Finn showed no jealousy and was happy to touch his face and call him "his baby." Our dear friend Amanda came and was happy to see he was out so she could give him kisses! Our friend Chelsie wanted to come badly, but was ill and was thinking of us. My wonderful in laws came to meet their newest grandson and tell him they loved him. My little sister, KK, arrived Saturday night and she cried when she held and kissed him. Uncle Danny loved his red hair! We were so grateful to everyone who came to show us their love and support. Our boys are truly blessed!
I also remember not sleeping. Between admiring the baby and feeling the twitching pain in my tummy, I just couldn't sleep. I also had leg braces on my calves that would tighten and release every few seconds, to prevent blood clots from not moving around. One had slipped down and was squeezing too tight and too hard on my ankle, which caused a TON of pain and loss of feeling in parts of my feet, (which I still can't feel to this day.)
This last memory is a little private and graphic, so feel free to skip this paragraph if you so wish! Now, I know Luke loves me and would do anything for me. But, I have never loved a man more or been more grateful for Luke than when I had to use the bathroom, (after the Cath was out), or when I had my first shower. He put me on the toilet or into the shower. He cleaned me up and helped me change anything that needed to be changed. He washed my hair, helped me get dressed and situated my pillows for me. He literally fed me once while I fed the baby and brushed my hair and put it in a bun for me. He was my nurse, my advocate, my support and truly is my best friend. All the private things that come after having a baby were not a deterrent or disgusted him in any way. I will never forget how much my heart expanded those few days; for Luke, for Finn, (who never showed or has shown any jealousy towards his little brother), and for my newest son, Dietrich Miles Mitchell. Love you all!
We found out we were having another boy when we went in for our 22 week Level 2 ultrasound. Because of Lukes' heart "condition", (doesn't really cause any issues for him now, besides high blood pressure), and his family's history of heart conditions, every baby we have goes for a specialized ultrasound that checks all organs are growing correctly and are on track, (mainly the heart and aorta.) We were both surprised, mainly because we had just found out Lukes brother and his wife were having a boy and there are only male grandchildren on Lukes side. We thought for sure we would be bringing a girl into the mix. But, we were also ecstatic it was a boy for a few reasons: 1. We got this boy raising thing down; well, maybe not DOWN, but we know a heck of a lot more about it than raising a girl! 2. We already had everything needed for a baby boy. 3. We had agreed completely on the boys' name and were still kind of up in the air about a girls' name. 4. We were just happy he was a healthy and growing little man.
My pregnancy was run of the mill, aside from a couple things. I got huge. And, I know all pregnant women say that and truly believe they are the biggest pregnant chick in existence, but I am not exaggerating when I say I looked pregnant with triplets. At least. I still had some chub-a-lub from my first pregnancy with Finn, and my second son was HUGE. I had to sleep on the couch sitting up for the last month and a half of my pregnancy because of the immense pressure on my hips and the sheer size of my belly.
I went in for my 40 week check up, excited to see how I was progressing and hoping no intervention would be needed, (Finn was 42 weeks and I was induced on three different ocassions until it finally worked and my little blondie came out.) The week before, I had an hour long "episode" of excruciating pain that knocked me off my feet. I thought it was labor, but besides the little dude moving like crazy, there were no signs of labor, (stomach arching and tightening, water breaking, loss of the ever so lovely mucous plug.) So, I breathed through it and it went away, never to return. Come to find out, the man had taken his head out of my pelvis and completely flipped so now his butt was in my pelvis, his feet were pushing on my tummy and his head was lodged in my ribs. Lovely. My hippie midwife, (whom I adore and admire), told me that unfortunately, because of position and his estimated size, (guessed from an ultrasound), I would need a C-Section within a few days. I cried, and she hugged me. Then, I called Luke, cried some more, he said all the things an amazing husband says and I toughened up, set the date for the next morning and went over to the Surgery Unit for my pre-op and registration. I called my mom, and she, one of my three sisters, and my dad hopped into their car and arrived three hours later. I snuggled Finn before he went to bed, and then settled on my couch for a long night of worry and wondering.
The next morning, Luke and I got up at 4:30am, kissed Finn and told my parents we were heading out. We held hands as I waddled into the triage and then plopped my large self into the security guards' wheelchair. We were taken to the Maternity Ward, where I met and came to love one of the nurses, (sarcastic, lighthearted and comforting; she was incredible.) Luke and I also were so happy to know that our favorite nurse who took perfect care of Finn when he had his scary beginning was coming on at 7am and was working through my 3 day stay. After 6 needle pricks, (I have the worst veins) and a lovely catheter, I was prepped and ready to go. The anesthesiologist came in, explained what would be happening with my spinal block, (contrary to popular belief, it is NOTHING like an epidural) and then I was put in a wheelchair and whisked to the OR. Luke was taken to get scrubs and a mask on and then told to wait in the waiting room while I was prepped. I was asked to sit on the surgery bed where I hugged a little nurse and arched my back as much as my belly would allow while the anesthesiologist numbed around my spine and then put my spinal block in. It was very uncomfortable, but not excruciatingly painful. Once that was in, I laid down, which was horrible since my belly was so huge and I was not accustomed to laying flat. They strapped my arms down, put the curtain up and began testing my legs and belly for any feeling. I couldn't feel a thing, which is a very strange feeling! Then, they began sponging my stomach, pelvic region and upper thighs with iodine. The most awkward moment for me was when the Anesthesiologist lifted my gown completely up to put on the heart and lung monitors. I was laying flat on my back, with a gigantic belly sticking straight up to the heavens, completely naked, showing all my private areas to the 20 nurses and doctors in the room. I had to remind myself that they do this all the time, and it was nothing new for them. My amazing midwife came up to my head, stroked my cheek and told me she was going to be assisting and would be there for me and the baby. It helped a ton!
At the beginning of the surgery, I felt a sharp pain in my lower right side as they began cutting and informed the Anesthesiologist right away. He popped a local anesthetic in that spot and all was well again. He had told me that his job was to make sure I was safe, happy and healthy and would assist me however I needed it, whether it was more Morphine, or whether I came into any danger. He was a very intelligent, kind man and I really appreciated him.
They had already begun cutting me open when Luke arrived to be by my head, so he saw my insides and my tummy widely exposed. He said it didn't bother him, but something else really did. They had a suction tube resting on the edge of the incision and it was sucking out amniotic fluid and my blood. The canister that all that junk went into was resting on Luke's calf and it was filling up fast. Though I was kind of out of it from the morphine, I started to get increasingly dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. My OB later told me that I actually lost a lot of blood and they were getting a little nervous trying to get the little dude out. He apparently flipped as they were cutting and dropped his head into my pelvis as he was trying to pull him out, (the little bugger waited until it was too late to go into the right position!) They also had me laying so far back and almost on my head, that my head felt fuzzy and I couldn't breathe very well, (due also in part to the fact that I was numb up to my chest.)
When they pulled him out, I just wanted to hear him cry. Because Finn came out blue with collapsed lungs, I didn't get to hear that beautiful first sound that every mom wants to hear. A few seconds after I felt some hard tugs and then a very odd feeling of emptiness, I heard that glorious sound and began to cry. Then I heard my OB say, "What a ton of bright red hair!" I was shocked, but demanded I see him. Once his nurse did his first apgar test, (almost a perfect 10!), she swaddled him and gave him to Luke. He took the dude's little beanie off so we could see that glorious red hair. And boy, was it glorious! Luke, the nurse and our second little man were taken to the Maternity Ward while I was taken to recovery. I fell asleep and when I woke and saw the nurse lifting my legs and I couldn't feel them, I freaked out a little bit. He was doing his routine checks on me, but to have literally no feeling from your chest down is odd and uncomfortable. He told me to rest for an hour or so, and if all looked well, I would be wheeled to the Maternity Ward to be with my bug and my husband. I very easily slipped into a Morphine-induced coma and when I woke, I was being taken to meet my little love! Luke and our favorite nurse, (her name is Jenny), had already given him a bath, done his hand and footprints and were snuggling and admiring him when I arrived. He was instantly plopped onto my chest to eat and get some skin-on-skin bonding time and that is essentially where he stayed for the next three days. Now, here are some things I remember about that the next dizzying few days.
First, I text my mom a lot, asking for updates on Finn. He was a little out of sorts, not having mom and dad there and not knowing where they were, but she, my dad and my sister were doing there best to keep him happy and occupied and in his original routine. He came to see me and his little brother every day, but since I couldn't hold him and I had a nose cannula on my face, he looked uncomfortable and could only stay in the room for short, little bursts. It was so painful to be away from him, and I am glad my family was there to help him transition.
Next, I remember all the people that came to see me. I remember Ruben and Shawntay coming, bearing gifts for the bubbs and a Mt. Dew for me. They both rock, and Ruben was happy to meet his second Godson! I remember Sabrina coming, with her adorable bursting belly, bringing me more Mt. Dew and snuggling her new nephew. Later, her husband, Uncle Paul came and admired his newest nephew to love on. My mom, dad, Becca and Finn came a couple times each day and stayed to love on the baby. Finn showed no jealousy and was happy to touch his face and call him "his baby." Our dear friend Amanda came and was happy to see he was out so she could give him kisses! Our friend Chelsie wanted to come badly, but was ill and was thinking of us. My wonderful in laws came to meet their newest grandson and tell him they loved him. My little sister, KK, arrived Saturday night and she cried when she held and kissed him. Uncle Danny loved his red hair! We were so grateful to everyone who came to show us their love and support. Our boys are truly blessed!
I also remember not sleeping. Between admiring the baby and feeling the twitching pain in my tummy, I just couldn't sleep. I also had leg braces on my calves that would tighten and release every few seconds, to prevent blood clots from not moving around. One had slipped down and was squeezing too tight and too hard on my ankle, which caused a TON of pain and loss of feeling in parts of my feet, (which I still can't feel to this day.)
This last memory is a little private and graphic, so feel free to skip this paragraph if you so wish! Now, I know Luke loves me and would do anything for me. But, I have never loved a man more or been more grateful for Luke than when I had to use the bathroom, (after the Cath was out), or when I had my first shower. He put me on the toilet or into the shower. He cleaned me up and helped me change anything that needed to be changed. He washed my hair, helped me get dressed and situated my pillows for me. He literally fed me once while I fed the baby and brushed my hair and put it in a bun for me. He was my nurse, my advocate, my support and truly is my best friend. All the private things that come after having a baby were not a deterrent or disgusted him in any way. I will never forget how much my heart expanded those few days; for Luke, for Finn, (who never showed or has shown any jealousy towards his little brother), and for my newest son, Dietrich Miles Mitchell. Love you all!
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